Hello?

Hello--how are you
Have you been alright, through all those lonely nights,
Thats what Id say, Id tell you everything,
If youd pick up that telephone.

Hey--how you feelin
Are you still the same
Dont you realize the things we did were all for real not a dream,
I just cant believe
Theyve all faded out of view.

I look into the sky
(the love you need aint gonna see you through.)
And I wonder why
(the little things are finally coming true.)

Chorus
Telephone line, give me some time, Im living in twilight
Telephone line, give me some time, Im living in twilight

O.k. so no--ones answering,
Well cant you just let it ring a little longer
Ill just sit tight, through the shadows of the night
Let it ring for evermore.

It lazy to do this, just slap in some song lyrics in the place of my own words, I know.
But this is a loft. A spare bit of space where I keep things of little consequence without much explanation.

Hello Cara Mia, how are you?
I think you might be my sole reader now. That's ok, it's good to know your audience.

A lot has happened in these last 5 months you've been away.
There's been Love
Death
Break-ups
New Love
A few good parties
Dancing lessons
New friends
City apartments
New Bicycle
More farewells than I can bare to come to terms with all at once.
Orange and brown leaves falling everywhere
Winter stillness
Laughing with tears in my eyes

miss you so much

I'm going to look at a little room in East Brunswick tonight. If I like the room, if the tenants like me and I them then maybe I will live there. I might finally grow up. Hooray!

But I'm going to keep this space here, and continue to document myself for yours and mine own personal pleasure. Just realised I haven't taken a picture on my own camera in ages.

Need more pictures.

Hope your money runs out soon Cara.

I mean that with the best possible intentions of course.

here i am

On the floating, shapeless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.

And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you."

Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?

Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride?

Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."

But more the while, it's this

Without wanting to, I was beginning to think of this again

NEUTRAL TONES

We stood by a pond that winter day,
And the sun was white, as though chidden of God,
And a few leaves lay on the starving sod,
--They had fallen from an ash, and were grey.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove
Over tedious riddles solved years ago;
And some words played between us to and fro--
On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing
Alive enough to have strength to die;
And a grin of bitterness swept thereby
Like an ominous bird a-wing....

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,
And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me
Your face, and the God-curst sun, and a tree,
And a pond edged with greyish leaves.

THOMAS HARDY

tear and wear

I need a project. Something to grow.

Early starts and late finishes are ever so slowly wearing me down. And, the mindless tedium of standing around all day everyday is slowly draining my soul. Almost crashed my car this afternoon, so vagued out by the monotony, came close enough to just plain-old driving into the side of someone at a roundabout.
I left my glasses at work today so now I can't see shit until tomorrow when I probably won't be wearing them anyway. Nothing much going on at acmi at the moment that I really need to see... hmmm, ok, there is something...OH hello.

But my last grandma has taken a funny turn and then there's some other stuff that I won't go into...
Contemplating a quiet weekend.
A long hot bath.
Might just go to one party this week. Maybe just Pony's but only because he promises biscuits.
I have work the next morning.
Always.

These last few days have been all

Art openings
Latenight chinese
Dumplings accompanied by epic 80's poprock love ballads.
Beer with new friends
Big parties with noisy bands and lots of posers
watching the crazies turn up
verbal catfight with a pretend blonde in a que for the toilet - there were four toilets and only me and her in the que and I wasn't pushing in but about to unlock a toilet for her but she'd rather fight and I like to fight back sometimes (see I'm still yet to get over it - stupid strumpet, your hair offends me as a woman).

...lots of smoke and coloured light
Bowie crying in a gutter on Brunswick St at a party in front of almost strangers
Something Prince said
Warhol gives slight comfort
Stumbled back to boyfriend's place drunk, crying, falling all over the place and making a big mess of his house and everything in general.
Feel like dying
decided a slow death by not eating might be appropriate
nah, get too hungry
Patch things a bit with with Prince...hopefully

Fall hard in a place I I'm not really supposed to
Kind of awful and a bit wonderful at the same time


... fire alarm in going off at work
have to go
X