Sunday Vague

I was supposed to go to an art opening thing at Utopian Slumps last night. An art opening for something by a friend of a friend about something I never really took the time to try and understand. But then I realised at the last minute that I would be at work for most of its duration anyway and so on...

Then i was supposed to go to a farewell party for my best friend's boyfriend, Josh. He's heading off to meet her in LA so they can drive off into the sunset on a big American highway to live happily ever after in Panama.

But I didn't do that either.

After that I would probably have found myself at Kim's house, maybe thrown-up in his front garden before letting myself in and getting stoned with Nathan in front of a Hendrix documentary until I passed out. Then maybe Kim would have come home from the party he went to to hang out with his exgirlfriend and he might have carried me to bed.

Could have woken up to the sound of Casey's Psytrance production this morning

But I didn't.

I went straight home from ACMI last night. Thought about staying up to watch a few episodes of Dexter with my parents but ended up in bed by 9.30. It was bliss.

Got a few sighs of disappointment from Kim sent to me via sms about my lack of attendance in his bed at 5am (which i secretly got some pleasure from) but I think it worked out better for me this way.

No hangover today, got some washing done and important bits of paper sorted.
Feel like I've got better a better hold on the reins now.

Might even do a little vacuuming later

Have a few good parties coming up soon, might be good blog material on it's way.



PS. The obsessive fan girl from the Flight of the Concords show came into acmi yesterday. I told here I loved her, she seemed to like hearing it.

I got some sleep

Things are a little better today.
Don't have to put up so much of a fight to keep from crying in the screen gallery at acmi where Robert and I discuss our current relationship dramas.

I'm trying not to fall in love all over the place for once.

Trying to channel some passion into other areas of my life for once.
Like dancing, I'm gonna take up go-go dancing, get some girls togeher and maybe dance for some friends bands in ridiculous outfits if they'll have us.

Might go back to study something a little more creative soon. I'm pretty sure there's a creative bone still in there somewhere.

Anyway, every now and again I fall in love with a love song. Here is what is currently on repeat in my head at the moment.

Still tired

Love life and life in general is still full of uncertainties.
Maybe if I just get some sleep things will...

Met Caitlin for lunch today.
Haven't seen her in such a long time and when I found myself perusing the shoes in Myers I realised things were getting dark. But Caitlin is a great listener and I needed someone to listen, even if it was for just 30 minutes.
We bonded over tales of lost loves and how we lost.

Just ate takeaway noodles with Brother Simon at home.
He told me how he just broke up with Chloe last night.
The strange thing was, somehow I already knew.



A cool change is on its way. Even though I admit it's possible that I have been waiting, or maybe I was just expecting for long time, I can't help but feel an awfull regret on it's imminent arrival.

I went to Thailand and now I'm back.

I'll talk about it some other time.

I work at ACMI now. I sort of love it. Even though I don't do very much and get paid well for it. and I'm so incredibly tired from working about 50hrs this week with ridiculous 7am starts that I can't really be bother to think or punctuate to do your reading eyes justice.

Today a man confronted me in ACMI about an alleged conversation I had with him last week at ACMI where I apparently "called" him gay. I almost laughed it seemed so absurd and enquired as to how he thought this might have come up in the conversation with me in the ACMI foyer. He pointed to the Sesame Street-like letters that spell out 'Queer' by the escalators advertising the Queer Film festival and he said I must have thought he was gay because of the festival and because he was visiting the Game On exhibition with a male friend. All I could think to say was "but that just doesn't sound like something I'd say" while I wished a small child would fall down the stairs and start bleeding profuslely just so I didn't have to continue perhaps the most awkward conversation I think I've ever been undeservably trapped. How do you tell someone how uninterested you are about how gay or not gay they are without sounding like a member of parliment trying to closet their inherent conservatism. And then I twigged that 'game' sort of sounds like 'gay' if you aren't really listening and suggested that I may have said something about him and his friend perhaps being "a couple of GAME enthusiasts" since they'd asked me if they could have unlimited re-entry. And so I think I won and he walked away probably feeling like the idiot that I think really is. ha ha.

And then Luke T came and found me and mentioned he's going travelling and he might go visit Simon in Shanghai. And I remembered that I miss Simon. And realised that I now miss Cara too. And then I spent two hours staring at my reflection in the glass opposite me while I was working in the cloakroom. I started feeling a bit sad ... and I still do. Maybe it's just cos I've been working so much and I'm tired and haven't had time to see anyone or do anything fun since I got back.

And my love life is so... i don't know...

Graaaaah!

Enough!
I'm a bit tired of everything being the same, going in cirlces, always doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting a different outcome and not getting it.
I'm not doing that anymore.

...

So you are all going to Rainbow and Big Day Out, whatever, I don't need to be a cliche at music festival to feel like I did the right thing this weekend. Mines going to be AMAZING and not expensive or overcrowed and nobody's going to cancel on me. You'll see... or at least you'll read about it here.

...

Anyway, I'm getting outta here. Thailand, yeah baby. Tickets are booked. I get two weeks of quality Cara time on the beach, in some caves, next to some limestone cliffs and in some Bangkok dirty air before she takes off again. This time it's to Panama. I know, Panama, wtf?

Then I have to come back, unfortunately.
I'm broke. I shouldn't really be going on overseas trips right now.
But maybe this will be the big year of employment, goals and ...
maybe I'll find something to do and stick to it.

I'll finally grow up and get my own place.

I'll have a little herb garden, a collection of old keys that don't open anything and an empty birdcage. I might even get a cat.
I'll invite you round all the time to show you what new things I've acquired
and when it gets late we'll put on a record and sip an exquisit muscat,
because it's my house and that's what I like.

I'll throw devine parties

Have a thousand lovers

and maybe the beginnings of a career

...

Guh, this blog is so lazy. i don't actually write like this in real life by the way.

...

Maybe my next post will be interesting.

Life after Smoko

I am supposed to be going to Eurotrash tonight to supportanother one of Tim's great ideas. Tim is always doing really cool things. Sometimes I wish I was Tim. But I am too tired to party anymore. I have partied too much. I'm too tired to even blog really, see how boring my writing style is in this post? That's because I forgot to go to bed at all at some stage between the 31st of December and the 2nd of January. And now I'm a bit confused about what day it is because I usually count the days by how many sleeps I've had.

Smoko was brilliant. I would like to say more but it was a long time ago now and the highlights are slowing dimming as they become of less and less consequence. It was really well organised, I can remember that much. And some boys did try to kiss me and some did succeed. I did drink a lot of gin. I found my sleeping bag (ahem!). All the bands were really good. I fell in love with one particular frontman of Cocoa Jackson for a brief period and being the social retard that I am I decided the best move I could make at this point would be to avoid making eye contact with him over the entire weekend. The next move in my plan, Seduction Sam, (it's called Seduction Sam because Sam is the name of the lead singer of Cocoa Jackson) was to act incredibly dumb, senseless and shy when confronted with questions that might have been conversatin starters coming out of his whisker framed mouth. Seduction Sam, if carried out correctly, is supposed to make me appear deep and mysterious because it disallows to much of my boringness to seep out. I don't know why he hasn't called me.

There was another massive party at the warehouse/whouse/wale house/wail house. It was probably the best party my friends have ever thrown in the history of parties that my friends have ever thrown. It was a farewell Simon/Happy Birthday Rob party. DJ's were great, seemed like everbody there was dancing at some point. My favourite memory from the night is of Georgia sitting on the plastic lawn draped in coloured fairylights, unable to go very far because she was plugged into the wall. I believe at point Simon's housemate and I forced Simon to endure a rather clumsy lap dance in the center of the dance floor, during which, being ever the proper gentleman that he is, Simon kept his eyes firmly averted with a slightly afraid expression. I'm sorry Simon, I hope you have recovered now.

Then there was Meredith. I realised that Wally De Backer is my ideal man. Apparently he was camping only a few tents away from us but I refrained from body slamming him while he was sleeping, thinking that my slightly inebriated state might not give him the right first impression and thus destroy my chances of becoming his wife in the future.

... it is tiring recounting everything that I have done in these last few weeks...

Fastforward to NYE
It was good.
I went to Stasia's and made a friut salad for her barbecue that had noticable lack of barbecuing going on, probably due to the extreme heat and Stasia's disdain for meat. We drank G&T's and Mojitos from 6pm till 2am and then joined the rest of Fitzroy in the park. I was wearing the least amount of clothes out of eveyone there (a 50s playsuit, perfect for the traditional break in and swim in the Fitzroy pool) and because of that lots of people seemed to want to take me places. I got introduced to an incredibly handsome Brian who invited me for a ride on the front of his bike and we kissed while riding through the streets. It was kind of like that scene in Titanic but with less icebergs and more chance of getting hit by a car or running over a stray drunk, and I was on a bike not a boat and I never said anything lame like "I'm flying", and Brian is heaps better looking than Leo.

This is getting tiring.

Another post about Smoko.

Smoko, Smoko, Smoko.

Camping Joy!

Yeah, PARTY IN MY BUSH! (My mother's going to be so dissapointed if she ever reads this)


Tomorrow Stasia, her brother and I head up to Smoko to live on gin and limes for a weekend.


Here is a list of what I imagine it is going to be like:

• Stasia and I will drink gin and lie down

• There will be a lot of bands that you've never heard of

• At some point people will get naked and dance

• Lots of boys from bands will try to kiss me

• I will maintain my ever elegant appearances and grace despite not having a shower for two days

• It will be very well organised

• Stasia may try to do things to me while I'm sleeping

• I might like it

• I will change my mind about how much I like it and run off with Kim to a B&B in Bright where they have showers and beds and breakfasts and expect Kim to pay.


When I return I will give you another list detailing what it was really like and you can live vicariously through me. Maybe I will even take notes while I'm there and write a proper review for a street mag and finally launch myself into the career I am destined for; proffessional party correspondant.



I still haven't found my sleeping bag.

Jenni's Sleeping Bag: Do you have it?

Yeah, this'll teach me for sleeping around huh? ( My dad's already made this jibe so you don't need to... and why would I take my sleeping bag anyway?!)

...

Has anyone seen my sleeping bag?

It's blue-green on the outside and rusty red on the inside. Has a hood and should be stuffed inside a black compresable bag.

I haven't been camping since Meredith and I know I didn't leave it in the paddock there. I'm pretty sure I've left it in somebody's lounge room after crashing on a couch drunk in the early morning hours.

I want to go to Smoko on Friday and Meredith again soon and I think my sleeping bag will come in handy at both these events. So maybe you could just check your cupboards, under your beds, floor etc. Maybe it looks a lot like your sleeping bag except... maybe it's a little bit better than your sleeping bag... but maybe you think I'm kinda alright and maybe you are also alright and know that you should really return it now. I promise I won't look at you funny, I know how these things can hang around (I still need to return Simon's book, "Magic and Witchcraft", before he goes to Shanghai).

All I really care about is getting it back cos it was really expensive and my granny died in it.

Love

Jen
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooo

PS: If I find you at Smoko or Meredith in a bag that looks suspiciously like mine ... just watch out.

Smoko Details

There will be time, there will be ...

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...

Hello friends and friendly readers.

Better look here for more stuff on Smoko Fest, they have details on how to get there, what to bring and what to do etc... and I ain't giving you nothin at the moment.

And you can bring your friends , if they are ok
If they aren't then maybe you are not ok and maybe you should just stay at home... or you can go to that rave that is happening at the show grounds on Saturday night with Simon Toppin instead.

I am going up on Saturday (1st Dec) sometime. Wanna come? I can drive and my car is alright. I think I might have room in my tent for one or two too ... Stasia?...



What a way to break in Summer huh?

whenever it snows

" ...no, it was very quiet at ACMI today, not even Goonlight guy* was there...oh, except Tim Rogers came in and frolicked in the Memory Grid for a bit, so it was really just me and Tim Rogers in the Memory Grid and ... blahblahdiblah blah..."



(beat boxing space bandit passes between)

"You aren't very responsive today Simon"

...
























"Sorry, I was just looking at this person that went past wearing a t-shirt that had 'whatever' printed in huge letters across the front...what were you saying?"




















* Mean no ill-respect here Pony, it's just how my friends know of you (provider of affordable Friday night's entertainment).

Smoko Music Festival

Some friends of friends of mine are organising their own little music festival

It's basically a bunch of friends having a weekend-long party on somebody's parent's land.

Lots of bands
Lots of friends
A pretty piece of earth I hear, trees, creeks and fresh air
Sausages and Beer
Even toilets!
Somody said something about prerolled joints for $2

Bands playing as according the scrap of paper I was handed last Wednesday night at a party*:

Actions of Love
Aurora
Gnomes of Zurich
Johnny Saw Horses (TBC)
You am I
Battles
Bjork

And more!


Might be the start of something
Might not
Should be good either way






Maybe I will see you there.

More information might come.

I'll write sentences when I've finished my essays.


*Subject to change

Downtime

I am trying to pass a university degree that is perfectly impractical
but proportionately appropriate
for me.

I am about to complete an entire semester's worth of work in three weeks because I am ever the enfant terrible and marvelously gifted.

My social life is in lockdown as I enter my personal and self-perscribed study bootcamp run by the most sadistic bitch of them all, me. Having only my own brain to storm with is a bit like being armed with a spoon and told to dig... your own grave, but I like to think of this sort of self-flagellation as a path to inspiration.

I promise pictures and poetry when the essay marathon is over.

I also intend to station myself at Black Cat for much of this summer, commensing the moment I hand in my final piece of work. You may flock to me or not as you wish... I think I will do other things too but this is not the time for big dreams. Right now, it's just me, a spoonbrain, and a whole lot of earth that needs to moving.

Nuts

Today, for a break from study and essay churning, I cracked open some wallnuts and ate them.
That might be the most novel and indulgent thing I do all this weekend.

I love you Nick Cave; I hope you know that.

Text Message Received Last Night:

"It's taken a couple of episodes but I think I'm addicted to Deadwood. How was the show?"

Sent:

"He thrusted at me Simon. HE THRUSTED AT ME! My happiness is complete,"

Reply:

"I'm so happy for you! :) Was it right in YOUR FACE? I hope so."



And thus is my reveiw of the best show I have ever been to.

Been bad.

I've sort of gone into social hibernation at the moment, I've got some serious catching up on Uni to do.
This is because I've been tricked into working some extra long shifts at work over the semester "break", some of them 12hrs long and then I got sick so my one free day that I could have spent studying was spent in bed dreaming I was crossing the Sahara dessert with my milkplant addicted camel and strange northern lights that play music in the sky (feverdreams).

Actually that's a lie right there.

The reason I am behind in life more likely to be because of something like this:



Which lead to some things that looked a bit like this:



And this:



And so went I like this:



And did this



And all this



And it kinda desended from there into...



... I did manage to finish that bottle of vodka that I've got between my legs though...

And I went home with this:





And played stacks on with Serena and Trista while they were sleeping and I'll understand completely if they never want to speak to me again.

Also, I forgot my good friend, Liam's name for a bit ... that was more scary than awkward ... I hope he understands that I was having far to much trouble handling my own details to be concerned with anybody elses.

Person: So how old are you?

Me: Somewhere between 21 and 25.

Beat

Me: I don't know, you were at my birthday party!


I have some patching to do.

Fuck you Facebook, I've got shit to do!

I've gotta stop. You know you've got a problem when you realise you have to invent limits for yourself. Limits like, "Ok, I'm only allowed to look at Facebook once in a day and only if someone has sent me a message. Poking does not count as a message."

Does save me a fortune on mobile phone costs though. All the small essays I send people via sms can now stretch even longer and costs much less. And it's sort of good for when I decide to lock myself up for a few days of serious study and writing. Good for lessoning the guiltache of loneliness brought on by self-impossed isolation. *Poke*, oh, suddenly I still feel a part of it all.

But it's a little pathetic and unheatlhy. Most unproductive activity I think I have ever taken up since I reencarnated my entire family in the Sims and developed a steamy realationship with Xanana Gusmao in Sims Hot Date. It was really lovely while it lasted but now that's over sometimes I think that if I could have the summer of 2003 back I'd like to spend it differently.

Sometimes I really do feel a little overloaded and dumbed out by it all. Like I'm missing out on some bits of realness. Sometimes I feel like Morvern Callar with her sunglasses on and walkman taped to her while she disembodies her dead boyfriend in her bathtub. Sometimes i feel like I'm lost in space. It would be nice to be able to step back from all this buzzing information space and just be a little more conscious of the physical world for while.

It would be nice also then, to be able to contribute something to the real world. Maybe I'd like to build my own story rather than live inside all these other peoples' rent free.

...

Oh god, I do write an awfull lot of inane wank don't I?!

...

Cara has recently informed me that she too will soon be leaving me for Shanghai.

ok sunday

Look what I found.

I could do this forever

Dear person who made this,
Who are you?

The party was great

It really was.
You should have been there.

The house looked stunning. There was an indoor garden complete with astro turf and park bench. Georgia and her Industrial design buddies did wonders with the lighting. And Rob pretty much finished the building of the great cardboard dream.

My camera is busted so I have no pictures to show you.

But oh my god you should have seen the crowd. LOTS of beautiful indie boys leaning against doorways offering coy sideways glances, half checking you out, half checking if you are checking them out. I've never seen so many pairs of tight pants in one room before. (I think these were mostly the lovely Ben's friends). Plenty of pretty ladies swanning about in knockout party dresses (ME!*). Cool cats with talent aplenty rocked and beat us well into to night (Roza, your voice dazzles me! Liam, I want to have tenthousand of your babies if it's ok with Georgia. Simon, BEST SET EVA!). And I was well charmed by a few old favourites and surprise guest appearances.

Some of the presents I got:

• A copy of Anais Nin's Delta Venus
• A bottle of red
• Roses
• Nick Cave's Nocturama
• Black and white Wedgwood broach of an angel
• A fantastically ugly stuffed sock monster (an Anna Clarke handcrafted original)
• Sparkly Tights!
• China bird wistle you fill with water to make realistically annoying, high-pitch bird noises
• AN ENORMOUS RED BALL OF STRING!

The night went really damn well, so up yours all you people who imagined to worst possible scenarios for us.
The police didn't turn up once and I knew most of the people there... Well, I didn't know the guy smoking the crack pipe in the kitchen.

There were really only a few real jerks.

To the thoughtless cunts who pulled apart Georgia's shuttlecock flowers, did you know they were kinda famous and widley appreciated?

To the dickheads who stole all the pool balls, WHY?!

And to the pricks who completely destroyed my enormous red ball of string by unravelling it and spreading it all over the warehouse and up Sydney Road, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE and no I don't want to go for a walk and watch the sunrise with you EVER! We would have thrown you out of the house at 8am but stupidly we trusted you and let you stay after we went to bed. We even gave you fucking bed! That ball of string was given to me by a someone who also happens to be a good friend of one of your good friends, Marlee. Six degrees, Kevin Bacon.

Phew!

But apart from that it was a night I'm glad I'll remember for the rest of my life. Thankyou to everyone who came and made it good. And thankyou to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday in all various forms, it really made my day.

love

XX




*It's my blog about my birthday, please just let me have this one.